1. Gambling jokes are like butt cracks- everyone has one and they all stink. A professional gambler wins big and dies of an aneurysm. When he gets to the afterlife, he finds himself at the back of a miles-long line to get into Heaven. Drawing on his experience, the gambler immediately thinks of a way to get ahead of everyone else.
2. I can support my gambling habit without a job, but I want one so I can support it even more. Girls are like blackjack, I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 16. I found a way to keep my husband from gambling. I just spend the money first. The best throw of the dice is to throw them away.

Playing in casinos is no joke; players bet from simple wagers to millions of dollars. However, in its purest form, gambling is still a form of entertainment and as such, should be treated accordingly—with grace, respect, and most of all, fun. Take a breather and enjoy the following gambling jokes:

The Blonde Who Won a Motorhome. One day, a blonde lady walked into a restaurant to buy a cup of.

A Serious Affair

While Doctor Miller is drinking his coffee at home, he hears hisphone ringing. He answers and hears the familiar voice of his colleague,calling him for a game of poker. ‘I’ll be right over’, said doctor Millerquietly, and he went to put on his coat. Mrs. Miller walks right to him and asksworriedly: ‘Is it serious?’. The doctor replies: ‘Oh, yes, it’s quite serious.There are three doctors there already waiting for me!’

Pack Your Things

Sherman rushes to his house back from the casino. From the door heyells at his wife: ‘Samantha, pack your things. I just won a million pounds outof a slot machine!’ Excited, Samantha replies: ‘Oh yes, finally, we’re going onvacation? Should I pack for warm weather or cold?’ Her husband looks at her andsays, ‘I don’t care wherever you want to go! You can go to the North Pole ifyou want, as long as you’re out of the house by noon!’

Wrong Chip

Got asked to leave the casino the other night. They said I had achip on my shoulder.

Gambling Jokes for Fans

I’m going to an ABBA themed poker night. The winner takes it all.

A Good Boy

A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table.Upon inspecting, he sees a dog sitting at the table. This piques his curiosityand he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. Then the nexthand is dealt with and cards are dealt to the dog. Then the dog acts in turnwith all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the otherhuman players were doing.

However, none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to thefact that they were playing with a dog, they just treated him like any otherplayer. Finally, the man could no longer hold his tongue so between hands hequietly said to one of the players, “I can’t believe that dog is playing poker,he must be the smartest dog in the world!” The player smiled and said, “Heisn’t that smart, every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.”

The Logic Man

A blackjack dealer and a player with thirteen counts in his handwere arguing about whether it was appropriate to tip the dealer.

The player said, “When I get bad cards, it’s not the dealer’sfault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing todo with it so why should I tip him?” The dealer said, “When you eat out, do youtip the waiter?” “Yes.” “Well then, he serves you food, I’m serving you cardsso you should tip me.”

“OK, but the waiter gives me what I ask for… I’ll take an eight.”

Gambling Life

My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I’d doanything to win her back.

Professional Gambler

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a barone day. He went up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy thehouse a round of drinks.”

The bartender said, “That’s fine, but we’re in the middle of theDepression, so I’ll need to see some money first.”

So, he pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. Thebartender can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Where did you get all that money?”asked the bartender.

“I’m a professional gambler,” replied the man.

The bartender said, “There’s no such thing! I mean, your odds arefifty-fifty at best, right?”

“Well, I only bet on sure things,” said the guy.

“Like what?” asked the bartender.

“Well, for example, I’ll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite myright eye,” he said.

Clean Gambling Jokes

The bartender thought about it. “Okay,” he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. “Aw, youscrewed me,” said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

“I’ll give you another chance. I’ll bet you another fifty dollarsthat I can bite my left eye,” said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, “Well, I know you’re notblind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I’ll take that bet.” So, the guypulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

Gambling Jokes Funny

Ooops

I put a thousand pounds on a horse. The whole thing collapsed.

Wife Vengeance

I found a way to keep my husband from gambling. I just spend themoney first.

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